By STEVEN JUPITER
BRANDON—The last few racing seasons, and all their attendant scandals, have left the local duckie community feeling unsettled. Physical assaults, doping, and general surliness have marred the once-collegial racing scene, with duck-on-duck violence reaching something of an apex last year when Canyon kneecapped Duck Race favorite Winky to gain a competitive advantage.
The assault had its desired effect: Winky came in fifth while Canyon came in third. It was an absurd result that made many duckies cynical about the future of the sport.
“If Canyon could blatantly cheat and still be allowed to keep his third-place win, why should any of us play by the rules?” asked Lemondrop, one of last year’s also-rans. It was a question that kept duck bills flapping all year.
However, the Duck Race and Marathon Association (DRAMA) spent the following several months revamping its rules and regulations to clean up the sport and cull out bad apples like Canyon. The new rules encouraged a whole new cohort of racers to enter the field and resulted in a whole new crew on the podium after the 2025 Brandon Duck Race on Saturday, July 5.
The Brandon Duck Race starts on the Neshobe River behind the Brandon Inn, just before the Upper Falls. The course follows the river over the falls and to the flats just before the river splits between the overflow culvert and the old Rowe barbershop.
Starting last year, the Brandon Fire Department released the duckies from an extended engine ladder above the river, requiring the duckies to master a new skill: skydiving. Like avian paratroopers, hundreds of duckies plunged into the waters of the Neshobe.
The lazy current of the river gave the duckies time to orient themselves before approaching the falls, though some might say that the long lead time before the duckies reached the cascade was due to the inexperience of so many new competitors. Despite the efforts of Nifty Thrifty to teach the ducks to swim, a lot of them still looked somewhat helpless as they drifted backwards and upside down.
It may have taken a second, but the first group of duckies did eventually figure out which way was up and made it to the falls, bravely throwing themselves into the frothy mix below. However, as happens every year to even the best duckies, the forceful currents of the Devil’s Whirlpool sucked the duckies into an endlessly swirling and cruel eddy against the rocks on the south bank below the falls.
Only a few robust and hardy duckies were strong enough to break free and complete the course with anything resembling professional skill.
First across the finish line and into the Fire Department’s waiting net was Honeycrisp, a giraffe-patterned duckie from St. Johnsbury. Second place went to a purple duckie named Titania from Saratoga Springs. And third place was taken by a blue-spotted green duckie called Alphonse who hails from Trois Rivières in Québec.
“I used everything I learned from Miss Quakersham,” said Honeycrisp. “Those swim lessons were essential training. I mean, a lot of my competitors just froze when they hit the water. But I used my training to get myself into position and find my way to the falls. Thanks, Miss Quackersham and Nifty Thrifty! And thanks to my parents, Fuji and Pink Lady, for always encouraging me to pursue my dreams!”
“I don’t even know how I made it over the falls,” said Titania. “One minute you’re in a plastic tub on a ladder and the next thing you know, you’re in the river trying to figure out which direction is which. I was still trying to get the water out of my nostrils when I felt the pull of the current taking me over the falls. I could hear some of my competitors crying like ducklings and I remember thinking ‘Get a grip!’ right before I went over. When I resurfaced, we were all going in circles and I realized we were in the Devil’s Whirlpool. Miss Quackersham told us what to do to break free and it worked! Now I’ve got this second-place finish under my belt and am ready to take on the world!”
Speaking through an interpreter, Alphonse said he was happy to have medaled and that he’d enjoyed his time in Vermont but was ready to return home and have his favorite meal: grubs with maple syrup and cheese curds. “Je suis très reconnaissant à Nifty Thrifty pour la formation incroyable qu’ils m’ont offert,” he said, thanking Nifty Thrifty for the incredible training they’d offered him.
“I shoulda paid attention in swim class,” said Bubbles, a yellow ducky that swam in circles above the falls for what felt like hours before making it to the finish line.
Honeycrisp was sponsored by Liora Brown, who received $100 and a first-place ribbon. Titania was sponsored by Stephani Pizzi of Washington state, whose son accepted $50 and a second-place ribbon on her behalf. Alphonse was sponsored by Max Anderson of Essex, who received $25 and a third-place ribbon.
Congrats to all!
