By STEVEN JUPITER
BRANDON—The cruelest contest of all is not the Super Bowl or the World Series or Wimbledon, though they certainly have had their share of heartbreak over the years. No, friends, the cruelest contest of all is the Vermont State Trivia Championship, which was held at the Brandon Carnival this past Saturday. Four teams pitted brain against brain in an epic battle among geeks and nerds for the title, and this year’s winning team shocked the triviaverse with its come-from-behind defeat of the reigning champs.
The reigning champions—calling themselves the Raining Champions, natch—came ready to rumble and defend their title. Led by Jeff Haylon, a former Jeopardy! contestant and host of the weekly Friday night trivia event at the Red Clover Ale Company in Brandon, the Raining Champions had devised a simple strategy:
“We plan to know more correct answers than anyone else,” said Haylon.
Raining Champs considered themselves well positioned in history and geography, less so in music and sports. Though, to be fair, sports are rarely a trivia buff’s favorite category since rarely do trivia buffs pay attention to sports.
Haylon said he took a lot of pride in his team’s 2022 victory.
“It was nice to be the state champ in something,” he said. The full roster (in alphabetical order): Nate Burke, Andrew Cliver, Jeff Haylon, Jeff Ladd, Harmony Van Eaton, and Lisa Weber.
Another team with an exceptional track record was Quizzy Borden, who were last year’s runners up and 2021’s champions. Asked about their strategy to regain their title this year, team member Tom Russell said, “We’re starving. The sausage stand closed because of the rain.”
“He means we’re hungry for victory,” clarified teammate Liz Russell.
The Quizzy Bordens have been competing throughout the year at Red Clover and the trivia nights sponsored by the Brandon Library. They have also been watching a lot of Jeopardy!. The various team members come with individual strengths that add up to “the ultimate team,” according to team member Emily Nelson.
The Quizzy Bordens did note, however, that if their trajectory over the previous two years held—winning in 2021 and second place in 2022—they would come in third this year. But, like their punny namesake, they were ready to make some heads roll. The full roster: Mat Clouser, Miranda Jane, Emily Nelson, Liz Russell, and Tom Russell.
A newcomer to the competition this year was Moore Best Friends, named after Brandon man-about-town Bill Moore, who is not even a member of the team. Member Cam Perta called the all-male team an exercise in “positive male bonding.”
And given that OV music teacher Kenny Cifone is a member, it’s no surprise that the Moore Best Friends consider music one of their best subjects. It’s a multi-generational team, spanning late Boomer to Gen Z. Perhaps the age range will help or perhaps the memory loss of their more senior members will hinder their performance. The proof will be in the pudding. The full roster: Greg Bernhardt, Hayden Bernhardt, Kenny Cifone, Cam Perta, and Kevin Thornton.
The final team, also making their debut in the competition, was Jeopardy Rejects, a three-person ensemble from Brandon. Asked why they came out for the event, team member Joe Swahn said “We love trivia and got a babysitter.” Can’t argue with that! Their training included “a lifetime of absorbing useless information” and some drinks before the competition. It’s a bold strategy. Let’s see if pays off!
The Rejects claim their best subject is science and their worst is the Kardashians. The full roster: Kristen Harrison, Haylo Swahn, and Joe Swahn.
Emcee and Brandon Rec Director Bill Moore said, “Every year the competition gets stiffer as word spreads. We’ve had to up our game and improve the quality of the questions.”
The categories in the competition were
- General Knowledge
- Before and After Celebrities (The last name of one hinted celebrity is the first name of the other. For example, Lebron James/James Carville.)
- Geography-former names of places
- Picture round: identify Funko Pop! figurines
- Audio round: songs about new beginnings (identify title and band)
- The Dirty Thirties (1930s)
- Same Last Name (Identify the two hinted celebrities who share the same last name.)
- Final Trivia
THE “MOORE BEST Friends”: (l to r) Kevin Thornton, Kenny Cifone, Hayden Bernhardt, Cam Perta, and Greg Bernhardt. They made a valiant effort but ultimately needed Moore points.
The competition began with an excellent first round for the entire field, though Raining Champs seemed to hold a slight edge over its closest rivals and Jeopardy Rejects brought up the rear of the pack. Emcee Moore made an executive decision to credit all teams for a question that asked in which state the Green Mountains were located (the question bundles are purchased and not created by the hosts).
Overall, there were few rounds that stumped the field as a whole, though some individual questions had no right answers in the room. For example, what was the former name of the African country Ghana? (Answer: Gold Coast)
An answer to an audio question elicited prolonged mockery from Emcee Moore. The contestants were asked to identify a clip of someone singing Amazing Grace. The correct answer was Ray Charles. The Moore Best Friends, in a spasm of truly random guessing, offered up Randy Newman.
After 7 grueling rounds, the standings were as follows:
- Raining Champions with 690 points
- Moore Best Friends with 680 points
- Quizzy Borden with 625 points
- Jeopardy Rejects with 445 points
At this point, the teams must wager on a final question. They can bet all or nothing or anything in between. But they must do so before they know the question itself. All they were given was the general topic: High Tech. The calculus around the final wager is tricky. Each team wants to wager enough to win with a correct answer but not lose with an incorrect one. Each team must also take into account the perceived likelihood that their closest rivals will guess correctly. This requires some understanding of each team’s strengths and weaknesses. And when the scores were as close as these, the top teams have little choice but to bet big.
Paradoxically, in this situation there is an unlikely favorite: the team that came in last. That team has the luxury of letting its rivals slaughter each other on the field while they walk over the fallen warriors to victory.
The teams submitted their wagers in secret to co-host Molly Kennedy and the final question was revealed.
“Put the following 4 high tech devices in chronological order of when they were released, earliest to most recent:
1, Atari 2600 gaming system
2. Apple Macintosh
3. Sony Walkman
4. Commodore 64
(Write down your answers now if you want to give it a shot before the answers are revealed below.)
When the teams revealed their chronological lists, not one of them had all four devices in the proper order. No team got any credit, and all teams lost their wagers. The game was over. The championship had been secured by whichever team managed to retain enough points to beat the others.
4. Quizzy Borden with zero points
3. Moore Best Friends with 5 points
2. Raining Champions with 9 points
1. Jeopardy Rejects with 445 points
Jeopardy Rejects clinched the victory with the worst performance in the competition. Trivia is a cruel, cruel contest.
[Answer: Atari 2600 (1977), Sony Walkman (1979), Commodore 64 (1982), Apple Macintosh (1984)]
