Teenagers are faced with difficult questions each and every day. What do I wear? What should I do? Who do I hang out with? Should I go out for a sport? Can I act/should I join the drama club? What am I going to do with my life? College, a job or vocation? I feel terrible – who can I talk to? Do I like boys or girls better? Or both? How come I feel like I’m in the wrong body? These are all questions teenagers are asking everyday. Not everyone every day but someone every single day.
Three decades ago, being gay was just becoming understood and accepted. There was a lot of confusion about whether it was a choice or natural. Society was structured for heterosexuals, especially husband-and-wife couples. Gay teenagers at that time couldn’t imagine getting married to a same-sex partner as they can today. Vermont led the country breaking down these barriers which we now understand to be rooted in white-male-dominated society. Almost all of us now have openly gay friends, family members, and coworkers. All the fears of how this would make our society crumble were unfounded. In fact, things are much better! For all of us!
Transgender questions are coming up now. Just like decades ago, we, as a society, are struggling with the changes. Is this real? How can it be? As the uncle of a transgender nephew, I have grappled with the transition. Do I call them, he or she? Are they really going to have surgery? Reflecting on this event, it is clear that this individual was always identifying as a male but lacked any way to express it. To see him truly happy now gives me great joy. He’s married, to a woman, and very successful.
Teenagers realizing their sexuality has always been a struggle. It is certainly somewhat less so now for our gay sons and daughters. Transgender youth are struggling and at great peril to themselves. Suicide rates are much higher among transgender youth than the general population. The difficulty with acceptance by society, most importantly their friends, parents and relatives is problematic. We, as a society, need to allow them the space and freedom to understand who they are and express their gender. I know this is hard for adults to come to terms with but we can; we have done so with other expressions of normal human sexuality. We must practice acceptance of the difficulties our teenagers are experiencing. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child.
George Fjeld
