‘Believe it or not, some of these ducks can barely swim.’
By STEVEN JUPITER AND LAURA PETERSON
BRANDON—Every July, hundreds of rubber duckies from all over the world descend upon Brandon for the Independence Day Duckie Race on the Neshobe River. One of the premier events on the duckie circuit, it draws top duckie athletes and quickly separates the wheat from the chaff.
The course is deceptively smooth at first glance, a lazy brook winding its way behind the Brandon Inn. But there’s danger ahead for the duckies, as each contender must make it over the notorious upper falls in order to reach the finish line.
And though these duckies are among the top avian athletes around, many of them struggle to navigate the falls. Instead, they often spin in circles at the top of the falls, seemingly disoriented by the precipice before them. Some of the duckies never make it over and never complete the course.
“We noticed that a lot of the duckies seem to have trouble getting over the falls,” said Laura Peterson of Brandon’s Nifty Thrifty Thrift Shop. “It seemed to dampen the excitement and cut into the competition to have so many duckies collect at the top of the falls. We felt like we needed to do something to help.”
So, Nifty engaged Cosima Quackersham to teach advanced swim techniques to interested duckies. Miss Quackersham is a former duckie race champion herself, having dominated the field in the late aughts. Among her major trophies are the Halifax Open (twice), the Philadelphia Invitational, and the Long Island Cup (three times). A freak accident tragically ended her career in 2010.
“I was racing in the Nantucket Games,” Miss Quackersham recalled during a recent conversation before one of her swim classes at the pool at the Brandon Inn. “I was a full duck length ahead of the rest of the pack and I felt a stabbing pain in my left foot. It was an errant fishing hook. It tore through the webbing and I could barely get to the finish line. By the time I made it to the medical tent, the webbing was completely destroyed and my career was effectively over.”
Never one to wallow in self-pity, Quackersham immediately transitioned to coaching.
“Just because my career as an athlete was over didn’t mean I was done with athletics,” she said. “Swimming is my life. If I can’t compete, I have an obligation to help those who still can. The next generations of duckies will benefit a lot from my wisdom and experience.”
MISS QUACKERSHAM TRIES valiantly to teach her students how to navigate the Neshobe Falls by having them jump off the edge of the pool at the Brandon Inn. “They still have work to do,” said Quackersham.
“Duckies today are distracted by so many things I didn’t have to worry about when I was coming up through the ranks,” Quackersham added. “Climate change has really altered our natural waterways and young duckies are having to come to terms with a vastly different landscape than I had at their age. Flooding is so much more prevalent now. It’s turned normally calm streams into raging rivers. I think a lot of duckies just don’t know how to handle all that moving water. I suspect that’s what’s at the root of the problem on the Neshobe. They’re simply afraid of the power of the falls.”
The Brandon race is unique; it’s the only major circuit event with a waterfall. Miss Quackersham believes she can teach young duckies to overcome their fear of it.
“They’re not entirely wrong to be worried,” she said. “You can easily get trapped in the undercurrent at the bottom of the falls. I’ve seen it happen numerous times. They take the plunge and never escape the swirling maelstrom at the base. The key is to launch yourself over the falls with enough momentum to land clear of the froth below. You want to aim for the clear water just beyond. It takes skill, strength, and stamina.”
To that end, Quackersham has emphasized “The Launch” in her lessons. The Launch is her trademarked technique of propelling oneself over a ledge with force and precision.
“If you can manage The Launch, the game is yours,” she said.
Judging by her students’ poor performances at the pool last weekend, she’s got a lot more work ahead of her before the big race on Saturday, July 5. Her students tried in earnest to launch themselves off the edge of the pool, but most of them ended up falling in random and embarrassing positions in the water.
“They’re not quite there yet, but there’s potential,” she said with confidence. “Sometimes if you don’t launch well, you can correct yourself on the other side. I might have to focus on those skills instead. We still have a couple of weeks.”
Quackersham hasn’t competed in years, but she follows the sport assiduously and was dismayed by the malign actions of Canyon over the last few years. Readers will remember that Canyon kneecapped race-favorite Winky last year. Winky rallied to regain his form and ended up coming in second, while Canyon improbably came in third.
“I thought it was all very disappointing,” Quackersham said. “You’d hope good sportsmanship would prevail.”
Canyon’s son, Canyon Jr., is competing for the first time this year and participated in the swim lesson, though Miss Quackersham could barely contain her disdain for the Canyon family.
“They’re a bunch of ne’er-do-wells,” she stated. “But I’ll do my best to steer Junior in a better direction.”
So far, the duckie with the most promise in Quackersham’s eyes is a newbie called Daisy who hails from Maine.
“She’s definitely got star potential,” she said.
Quackersham tries to get in a lesson every morning, before the Brandon Rec begins their kids’ swim lessons at the pool. Nifty Thrifty is covering half the cost of those lessons as well.
“It’s important for kids and ducks alike to know how to swim,” said Laura Peterson. “Nifty Thrifty is happy to help make these lessons accessible to all.”
The Duckie Race will take place behind the Brandon Inn on Saturday, July 5 after the Parade. Come early and stake out a good vantage point along the Neshobe and keep an eye on the falls!
