Dear Joyce:
I just saw a dating app on my husband’s phone. Even though it was under his “recent apps,” he denies using it. I want to believe him, but I can’t help being suspicious and it’s eating at me.
-Sad & Suspicious
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Dear Sad & Suspicious:
This clearly goes to the very heart of your relationship—your belief and trust in your husband. I cannot make decisions for you, but I will encourage you to begin what will be difficult but open discussions as a way to determine whether your trust can be restored.
Before you begin, I want to be clear that the discussions I am suggesting should include hard questions. Questions that may provide answers you may not like. Are you prepared to hear them? Remember that you set the standards by which you live. Only you make the decisions about what will happen on your path. Be certain you know what it is you need and are clear about what your contribution to this issue might be before you begin.
All that being said, I wonder if this is the first time a situation like this has presented itself? Has infidelity been an issue before? Have you felt suspicious at other times during the course of your 10 years? Also, do you feel that you are getting what you need from your husband emotionally and physically, and equally important does he feel that you are providing those for him? If he does admit that he has in fact used the app, what may have made him do so? What might be lacking in your marriage that that kind of contact provides for him? These are the hard questions I am talking about. This is the difficult discussion I strongly suggest you have. Without them I fear your suspicions will grow worse and erode the peace of mind essential for yourself and for a lasting marriage.
I recognize how the purchase of a new house together puts added stress on the both of you to come to terms with this issue and a comfortable resolution for the both of you but again how will it ever be the home you want if you do not have the joy of a safe and loving relationship? Hard as this is to say and hear, houses can be sold. Consider how life might be if you are in it and with someone you don’t fully trust or feel secure with.
It’s time to lay things on the line and face the truth as much as possible for the both of you.
“Joyce” is a local social worker (Masters of Social Work) and counselor with decades of experience helping people sort through personal problems. Her responses are *advice only* and neither she nor The Reporter takes responsibility for any outcomes of the situations described in the letters received.
Anyone with a question/problem for Joyce should send an email to news@brandonreporter.com with “Dear Joyce” in the subject line. We do not guarantee that all submissions will be used. Anonymous submissions are fine, though we will reject anything obscene, violent, or disrespectful toward any community. We will also edit for length, clarity, punctuation, spelling, grammar, etc.
