BY STEVEN JUPITER AND LORYNDA FISH
BRANDON—Last year’s Independence Day Rubber Ducky Race was one for the ages. The drama! The suspense! The plot was as twisty as the Neshobe’s tricky currents! While everyone thought the winner was in the bag from the get-go, fate intervened and the front runner fell behind while a dark-horse ducky pulled off a surprise win.
The Reporter sat for a conversation about last year’s results and this year’s race with last year’s big winner and loser, as well as with two new contenders in this year’s event.
Last year’s winner: Beaky
Age: 8
Hometown: Brandon
Beaky grew up the 3rd of 5 ducklings—the proverbial middle child, always needing to prove something. Well, last year beaky proved he had what it took to vanquish a tough field and claim the prize for himself.
“I was always athletic,” he said. “I was a very strong swimmer and very adventurous. I love new challenges and the Independence Day Rubber Ducky Race looked like a perfect opportunity to test my capabilities.”
As those who attended last year’s race know, the front runner, a white ducky named Winky, had what looked like an insurmountable lead early in the race. To all appearances, it was a done deal. But Beaky didn’t despair or panic.
“I’ve spent years studying water currents. As a duck, you really have to be able to read a body of water and know which way it’s flowing. Your life could depend on it.”
Last year, Beaky positioned himself on the outside of the pack at the beginning of the race.
“I read the currents. I knew I had to swim the outside track. Last thing I wanted was to get trapped in the middle. I wanted space to break away once we all went over the falls.”
And break away he did. Once over the falls, all eyes were on Winky, who still held the lead. But poor Winky drifted into the current of death and was trapped against the rocks.
“I saw my opening and I took it,” said Beaky. “I knew it was my moment.”
Beaky’s advice for duckies that want to win: “Don’t overeat beforehand. Have something light, like worms with kale and wheatgrass. Don’t fight the pack. Keep your lane open. Trust your training.”
After his victory last year, Beaky celebrated with pepperoni pizza at Brandon House of Pizza and a chocolate/vanilla twist creemee with ant sprinkles (he provided them to the grossed-out staff at BHOP).
“I want to give a shout out to the Brandon Fire Department,” he added. “They did a fantastic job getting us in and out of the water last year. A real top-notch group. I couldn’t have done it without them.”
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Malibu is 9 and originally hails from Scarborough, Maine, where she was called Petunia. But she changed her name and her life when she flew out to California and got into the surfing scene. This will be her first year in the race.
“I’m a West Coast kind of duck,” she said. “I like the sun, the beach, the ocean. I like hanging out with my friends and riding the big waves. But the Brandon Rubber Ducky Race is one of the biggest events on the duck circuit and I knew I had to try it. I’m a great paddler, so it was a natural thing for me to do.”
Malibu gets up early and heads to the beach every morning to study the waves and practice paddling. All that familiarity with water patterns has convinced her she has a shot at the race this year. Her training diet consists of alfalfa sprouts, orange smoothies, and frog eggs for protein. She likes to carry a bunch of frog eggs in a thermos so she can get a boost whenever her energy is lagging.
“My strategy for the race is to get in position early,” she said. “I want to stay on the right-hand side of the pack. I’ve heard the left side below the falls is the danger zone. I’m gonna just shut my eyes, hold my nose, and let myself tumble over. If I’ve positioned myself correctly, I should end up far away from the whirlpool of doom.”
If Malibu wins, she plans to treat herself to the fish stew at Café Provence, with extra garlic bread smothered in smashed worms.
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Canyon is 7 and was born and raised in Middlebury. Canyon is back on the scene after a stint in the mallardtentiary, where he served six months for selling duckweed.
“I’m ready to show the world who I am and what I can do,” he said. “When you grow up with Canada geese and turkey buzzards like I did, you get tough or you get beaten. Those are the options. And I don’t like getting beaten.”
“My training regimen? Ha!” Canyon scoffed. “I don’t need one. I’ll cheat if I have to. I’d sell my own mother to a French chef just to get that trophy. The best part of winning is watching everyone else lose. My motto is ‘It’s me, not thee.’ Everyone else can kiss my tailfeathers.”
“Diet? I eat whatever I want. And what I want is whatever someone else is eating. Leave your food unattended and I’ll swoop in and take it. Seagulls ain’t got nothin’ on me.”
And his plans if he wins?
“I’m gonna laugh at the losers.”
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Last year’s frontrunner, Winky, took his unexpected loss hard. A born competitor, he thought he had it all sewn up when he broke away from the pack and cruised to a sizeable lead early on.
“I’d been training all year. I was out front. Victory was within my grasp. But then…”
He can’t even talk about it. The memory haunts him still. That small little ripple in the water turned out to be an eddy, an eddy of pain and destruction that broke his soul and shattered his psyche as it thrust him against the rocks and pinned him there for what seemed an eternity. His heart shattered into a hundred pieces as he watched Beaky glide by to victory.
“I saw it coming but there was nothing I could do. THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO!”
Winky now spends his days floating aimlessly on Otter Creek.
“I’m worried about him,” said his mama ducky, Lilypad. “He needs a comeback. He really needs a comeback.”
“I hope someone takes a chance on me again,” Winky said.
