BY STEVEN JUPITER
CASTLETON—I’ve often joked that no one moves to Vermont to be around people. The population here is small and spread out and the way of life much less insistently social than in other places. Vermonters spend a lot of time pursuing often-solitary activities: hunting, fishing, hiking, gardening, reading, painting, writing, woodworking…it’s a great place to pursue your own interests. But are Vermonters lonely? What’s the difference between loneliness and solitude? What makes for positive solitude as opposed to painful isolation?
Virginia Thomas, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Middlebury College, led a rapt audience through the subtleties of solitude at The Taproom on Lake Bomoseen on Sunday afternoon, as part of the Science Pub series that brings people together for philosophy and food.
Thomas considers herself something of a solitary creature—she called her public self her “presentation mode”—and began researching the topic in large part because of an interest in her own behavior. Why do some people thrive in solitude while others wither? Why does society see sociability as strength and solitude as weakness? Can people be taught to enjoy solitude rather than fear it?
In a presentation titled “Embracing Solitude”—so named to reflect Thomas’s goal of teaching people to view solitude positively—Thomas distilled much of her research on solitude into a few principles.
According to Thomas, solitude is a positive experience when it is:
- chosen
- enjoyable
- meaningful
In other words, when people consciously decide to spend time alone and engage in enjoyable activities that have meaning for them, solitude is perceived as a positive experience. This completely gibes with the experiences of most people: when you’re engaged in a solitary activity you enjoy, you perceive the solitude as positive.
By contrast, according to Thomas, solitude is a negative experience when it leads to:
- rumination (dwelling on conflicts and/or fears)
- loneliness (yearning for but not receiving social contact)
- boredom (“a lack of meaningful engagement with yourself or your surroundings”)
Again, this completely tracks with the lived experiences of most people. Much substance abuse arises from an inability to maneuver oneself out of this kind of negative headspace, to replace negative experiences of solitude with positive ones. Drugs and alcohol temporarily “turn off” the unwanted feelings of isolation.
Thomas also disputed the common distinction between “introvert” and “extrovert,” noting that very few people are truly one or the other. The desire for and tolerance of solitude depend not only on one’s natural personality but also on one’s particular circumstances. A self-described extrovert may need “alone time” after a busy week while a self-described introvert may have bouts of happy sociability. Again, the perception of solitude depends largely on whether it’s chosen rather than imposed.
Social media poses a special problem when discussing solitude, Thomas noted. It’s neither truly social nor truly solitary. It occupies its own middle ground between the two spheres. When we look at Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, or Twitter, we may experience the sensation of social engagement, but we tend to use social media when we’re physically alone. Do we use these platforms to self-soothe when interaction with other people isn’t available? Or should we look at these platforms as social interaction with built-in boundaries: engagement we can switch off at our pleasure, without the awkwardness of terminating a “real life” social interaction?
Psychologist Donald Winnicott once described positive solitude as “the capacity to be alone without distress.” For Professor Thomas, dissecting solitude in all its facets is key to her mission of teaching people to expand their capacity for its positive aspects.
The Science Pub is a monthly event that draws folks from all over Rutland County. Brandon resident Connie Kenna attended Sunday’s event with her friend Ingrid Pixley of Leicester. “We enjoy hearing about scientific topics,” Kenna said. “I like to work my brain,” added retired pediatrician Kathie Hession of Pittsford.
The next Science Pub will take place at 4:00 on Sunday, March 5 at the Southside Steakhouse in Rutland. The topic will be Rivers, Lakes, Oceans…on Mars? and will be presented by Marisa Palucis, Assistant Professor of Life Science at Dartmouth College. These events are free, except for drinks and food.
